A More In-Depth Look at My 411

Thank you for your interest in my “in-depth 411.” Here is what you need to know: I am very boring, I lack a sense of humor, and I have no ego. Basically, I am an expressionless automaton—much like Kristen Stewart in the majority of her movies. Still, I will attempt to share a few random notes about myself.

Since I receive those “get to know you,” and “fifteen random things about me,” type surveys on Facebook about 134 times per month, I will use them as the foundation of this page. They are great, after all, as they require one to cut through “superficiality,” and become deeply expressive.

 

From Facebook: “60-Question Get to Know You Survey”

1. What is your least favorite quote?

“There are no stupid questions.” In my opinion there are, in fact, stupid questions.

2. Who was the weirdest guy/girl you’ve every dated?

I once went on a date with a woman who likes Pauly Shore movies.

3. Which actor/actress would you never date?

Paris Hilton

4. Which actor/actress would you date?

Elizabeth Banks

5. What is the biggest turn off in a guy/girl?

poor hygiene

6. What is your favorite book?

Way of the Peaceful Warrior

7. What is the best thing that has ever happened to you?

the birth of my daughter

8. What is your biggest regret in life?

trying desperately to grow up too fast—wishing away my childhood

9. Who would you rather have: a personal chef, a personal chauffeur, or a personal massage therapist?

a housekeeper

10. List five things that you would need to survive if left alone on a deserted island.

drinking water, matches, a knife, a wind-up radio, a fueled-up boat or helicopter

11. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what do you think it is expanding into?

Expansion is part of the “everything” that the universe is.

12. What would your name be without the first three letters?

N

13. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?

Yes; I once involved myself in a situation in which three young guys were heckling a homeless person.

14. Do you look at the keyboard when you type?

rarely ever

15. What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?

sleep, or Junior Mints

16. Last person you gave a hug to?

my daughter

17. Have you ever been in a fist fight?

Yes; many years ago. Now I own a pair of fast running shoes.

18. Are you self-conscious of how you look?

not usually

19. What was your first job?

My beloved late grandfather paid me five dollars (he thought I got the better end of the deal) to clear an acre of scotch broom with a scythe when I was eleven; it took me half a summer. When I turned fourteen I worked on a raspberry picking machine. My first W2 job was at Taco Time when I was sixteen.

20. Drunk or high?

Neither for me. If I had to select one, however, I would choose being drunk, so long as it was not from Jägermeister.

21. McDonald’s or Burger King?

Subway

22. Do you believe in fate?

I do.

23. Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

No; I have no need to. T (my wife who runs a spa) has about 30,000 Aveda products in our bathrooms.

24. Would you rather be attacked by a bear, or a swarm of a bees?

It depends on what I am wearing.

25. What are your biggest pet peeves?

incognizant drivers, cell phone use in restaurants, decision-making that is done with little forethought

26. Have you ever peed on the side of the road?

T and I once got caught in a traffic jam about forty miles south of Seattle while on the I5 freeway. Traffic was at a complete stop due to a jackknifed gravel truck. I had to pee badly, and seeing no other viable option, I decided to head for the woods that shouldered the freeway. It was easily the most satisfying peeing I have ever done; I heard angels sing in fact. The problem was, unbeknownst until back in the car, I stepped in a fire ant hill. Needless to say, for the next several miles I shouted obscenities between T’s rounds of laughter. I had to shake my shoes out the window all the way to Seattle.

27. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Why would it not be okay? It is okay for women to wear masculine colors like black and grey.

28. Do you still watch cartoons?

I will often watch Spongebob with my seven-year-old daughter.

29. What movies can you watch over and over and not get tired of?

A Christmas Story, Shawshank Redemption, Finding Nemo, Planes Trains and Automobiles

30. Last person you kissed/kissed you?

My girlfriend on the side, but do not tell T, she thinks it is her.

31. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

I was both a Cub Scout, and a Boy Scout.

32. Would you ever pose nude in a major magazine?

I might for $100 if the Photoshop artist was decent.

33. Can you change the oil in your car?

Absolutely; I will not let quick lube places or a dealer touch my car. Many years ago my girlfriend of the time took her new Toyota to a dealer for its first oil change and tire rotation. Prior to her doing this I scored the oil filter, and marked the tires. After the dealer finished their service I checked her car. The oil filter had not been changed, nor had the tires been rotated. The technician simply drained the engine oil and refilled it, that was it. Suffice it to say, she received a bunch of free accessories before the ordeal was resolved. As for Jiffy Lube, click here.

34. What languages can you speak?

English, and what I believe is a perfectly functional version of Spanish.

35. Who is better, Leno or Letterman?

Conan O’Brien

36. Do you believe in ghosts?

I do.

37. First concert?

Heart at an open-field amphitheater. They were fantastic.

38. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Target, by a wide margin

39. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

Yes; at all the requisite moments—my wedding, my daughter’s birth, etc.

40. What was the last concert you saw?

Beyonce. T got free tickets to her show through work.

41. Can you swim well?

It will surely be the slowest leg of my next triathlon.

42. What is your favorite TV show?

a tie between 24 and Seinfeld

43. Have you ever been in a serious car accident?

Yes; when I was sixteen I let my girlfriend of the time (who was unlicensed) drive my car on some rural country roads. She drove us off a six-foot embankment and rolled my car into a power pole at about thirty miles per hour. She had to be life-flighted, but thankfully she survived—and without long-term injury. I am still alive too.

44. Favorite soda?

I do not drink a lot of soda, but when I do it is Diet Pepsi.

45. Favorite ice cream?

the homemade huckleberry ice cream served at Juniper Junction outside Smith Rock State Park in central Oregon

46. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?

zero

47. Do you drink coffee?

yes, but always decaf

48. What is your favorite candy?

Junior Mints, because they shame all other candies

49. Have you ever been to a strip club?

I went to a juice bar shortly after turning eighteen. It is not my thing.

50. Do you have a tan?

when compared to albinos

51. How many states have you lived in?

three: Oregon (current), Washington, Arizona

52. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

yes

53. Are you jealous of anyone?

Those who get to sleep in on a regular basis, and who are still productive members of society.

54. Do you hate anyone that you know?

No; hatred rarely serves me well.

55. How did you get your worst scar?

ripping my pinky finger half off by way of a garage door spring

56. How tall are you?

5’11″

57. Were you a difficult child?

I was not too difficult. I never took drugs, got in fights, got kicked out of school, etc. I was a bit of a smartass though, a habit I thankfully out grew.

58. What’s your biggest fear?

People at large who react emotionally to fear and hatred

59. Who’s your hero?

my daughter

60. Describe yourself in one word.

tired

 

From Facebook: “List 15 Random Things About You and then Forward”

1. I am very hygienic; some might say germ phobic.

2. My food weakness is chips and salsa.

3. I have a slightly tilted pelvis; thus, I am easily susceptible to shin splints after I run.

4. My favorite pro-athletes are Craig Alexander, Chrissie Wellington, Mirinda Carfrae, Lance Armstrong, and Georges St-Pierre.

5. I only use cloth napkins; I cannot stand paper napkins as they tend to shred. In fact, extended exposure to paper napkins makes me vomitous.

6. I can move my left pinky toe independent of all other toes.

7. I fastidiously follow politics, which often gets me riled.

8. I can be judgmental about people’s driving.

9. I suffer from random bouts of anxiety.

10. I am claustrophobic in airplanes; I really do not like to fly.

11. I am turned off my normal body functions, and I hold it as a truth that attractive women do not suffer from them.

12. I want to participate in an Ironman Triathlon at some point in my life.

13. I am mildly afraid of aging.

14. I am neurotically perfectionistic.

15. I have so far only traveled to three countries, but I plan to change that once I work through issue #10.